Notes From 2-6-2012

6 02 2013

How can I ever tell you?

How will I start?

I’m afraid of the responsibility.

I’m afraid of the enormous obligation it will ask of me.

I’m afraid to fail.

I’m afraid that we might be making a mistake.

I’ve never been so unsure.

What if this is all a mistake?

What if we’re misunderstanding things?

I’m so scared.

I don’t want to lose.

I’m so confused.

What if we’re wrong?

What am I supposed to do?

What am I supposed to say?

I want to be with you but …

I’m having cold feet.

Is getting married really the right thing to do now?

I’ve stopped putting the wedding together because every time I move forward something tells me that I need to stop. To stop and think if this is what I really want.

Oh God, what have I gotten myself into?

I’m so scared. we’ve been fighting for three weeks now and maybe, just maybe I’ve induced those fights because of all these bad thoughts.

How is this possible? After all the kindness and love you’ve shown me.

Why am I so scared?

Oh God, I don’t know anymore.





Notes from 5-2-2010

2 05 2012

I’ve been bobbing in and out of consciousness for more than I care to admit. I’ve been mostly like a zombie, running errands, meeting deadlines and delivering my intended output. Apart from that, I haven’t really lived.

No fire. No light.

What I’m trying to say is quality. The kind that does not numb you from your inner self. The kind that will not rob you of choice. The kind that will let you say, “I’m off to bed, if I don’t wake up, that’s fine. I’ve lived”

***

I’m not attracted to drama. I need to survive and too much of that is comparable to slitting my wrist.

I’m all about self preservation. But have you ever been stuck, confused, helpless and utterly lost. That’s where I am at right now.

And don’t call me Emo, if you know what’s good for you.

***

Good news, bad news. I’m bored out of my skull and a relationship issue is brewing – thus a time off is needed.

Since everyone is busy – including you — I am headed to the mountains myself. Don’t worry, this is not the first time I ran off with me. I’m a backpacker. And we can be stubborn when we feel the need to leave … and leave I will, with or without cpmpany.

So before packing my bag, I had to run all my errands and endorse work items. Then tickets. Bought a round trip, called for a room reservation, then wrote on a piece of paper my very short itinerary.

When I get back, I’ll be appropriately tired. Too tired I won’t have time to entertain death by boredom.

Stupid boredom – oh well at least I’m paid lounging around. How many of you can say the same? LOL, I thought so.





Woops!

27 02 2012

And ten days later, here we are, still struggling to run a regular beat for this page.

Why in the world is time so darn expensive?

One of these days I’m going to find time again. As soon as I am done with all the urgents, the deadlines and the must dos, I will write something a little more decent here.

But just so you are aware, I am crushing on Andrew Garfield. Drool.





When You Say Trenta, It Means 30. Right?

17 02 2012

Are your ready foooooor …

The Trentaaaaaa!!!?

There was an audible toot when this was launched and although it has not entered my side of the globe, people are nonetheless stoked. Some may want to attempt not to keel over in undertaking its deep tub and some may just want to gawk.

And gawk, I shall do.

If and only if, I buy an SB Trenta it will only mean I am off to share it with someone. Make that 3 someone’s. Just the thought of it makes me want to formulate a way to not eat in three straight months. Until I can find it safe (that I won’t suddenly turn to a 350 lbs lady) I’ll live off the remnants of it’s ridiculous un-nutritional content.

Call me anti-hipster, prude or even anti-social (I think people socialize via coffee nowadays) I don’t give a hoot nanny’s. The only time I can assure myself that I will enjoy my coffee is if I stay below Grande. Anything over would mean a feat to overcome. A great coffee bender of epic proportion.

Ugh! No fun.





Safe Haven

15 02 2012

       “She was in a terrible marriage and she couldn’t talk to anyone. He used to hit her, and in the beginning she told him that if it ever happened again, she would leave him. He swore that it wouldn’t and she believed him. But it only got worse after that, like when his dinner was cold, or when she mentioned that she’d visited with one of the neighbors who was walking by with his dog. She just chatted with him, but that night, her husband threw her into a mirror.”

If it makes you feel any better … with a little training and a dash of imagination, you must know, you can write too. However don’t start your training by reading these materials.

Sorry. His writing just doesn’t float my boat.

Rating:





A Bit Better Now

10 02 2012

Ahhh, what a good time out. Nonchalantly reading anything that I want. Indeed a lovely day. If I wasn’t such a fatty trying to lose a bit of weight, a can of soda and a bag of chips would be nice.

But right now this is just fine. I love reading. Whether I understand it or not, I read. If perhaps I get the point and I end close to the author’s thoughts, then I’m happy. If not, I always tell myself I can move to another article that can perhaps whet my interest and recommend to friends.

After two days of busy business, I guess a little reprieve really does help.

I’m going home early today. Isn’t that lovely?. I hope you are doing as great as I am… if not you can always go to sleep or catch a movie to enjoy the blessings of escapism.

I can’t wait for Sunday. I get to see hot air balloons again.





For The First Time

9 02 2012