Notes from 1-28-2012

Thoughts at 4:14 in the morning.

It is a scary thought. But maybe, these things do have a purpose. Somehow the distance is teaching me a great deal about myself, I am still a whole person regardless of the world’s endeavor to fringe my beliefs to sham. That although I’m a tad lost, I can still stand on my own two feet.

If in case, it goes south I am headed north. A fresh start, a new name, and perhaps a new life. It may be difficult, I know that part can never be avoided, but for sure I can still save a little of myself and grow it into something else. Something that may or may not resemble someone better; I’d just fashion it to what I hope to be. Of all the bad things that have happened in my life, I guess this one shouldn’t brazen me. I should have been broken and lost a long time ago yet, I am here; making good use of myself.

I wish that in the event I decide to do the right thing, I can still look up at the sky, breath in and say thank you. Regardless of the impending hardship and pain, I still wish to appreciate the colors of the sky when the day and night shifts.

I might have been wrong to ask for so much, maybe it was simply right to close my eyes and allow the vast sense of isolation permeate. But the big change has confused me and I am fully aware that if it’s taken away, it would be the hardest most painful thing I will ever experience. Yet a voice at the back of my head is resolved that everything will still be okay. That I have had that ability all along and that I only had to leave and I will be alright.

Somehow amongst all these, I simply wish that I can close my eyes and never open it again. I wish for a sleep that will cure me of this alienation.

Have you ever wished to close your eyes and dream for an eternity? You should, it may just happen and it can be such a treat. Why shouldn’t you take advantage of a world caving in without sleeping through its vast cold embrace?

One really should.

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Safe Haven

       “She was in a terrible marriage and she couldn’t talk to anyone. He used to hit her, and in the beginning she told him that if it ever happened again, she would leave him. He swore that it wouldn’t and she believed him. But it only got worse after that, like when his dinner was cold, or when she mentioned that she’d visited with one of the neighbors who was walking by with his dog. She just chatted with him, but that night, her husband threw her into a mirror.”

If it makes you feel any better … with a little training and a dash of imagination, you must know, you can write too. However don’t start your training by reading these materials.

Sorry. His writing just doesn’t float my boat.

Rating:

A Bit Better Now

Ahhh, what a good time out. Nonchalantly reading anything that I want. Indeed a lovely day. If I wasn’t such a fatty trying to lose a bit of weight, a can of soda and a bag of chips would be nice.

But right now this is just fine. I love reading. Whether I understand it or not, I read. If perhaps I get the point and I end close to the author’s thoughts, then I’m happy. If not, I always tell myself I can move to another article that can perhaps whet my interest and recommend to friends.

After two days of busy business, I guess a little reprieve really does help.

I’m going home early today. Isn’t that lovely?. I hope you are doing as great as I am… if not you can always go to sleep or catch a movie to enjoy the blessings of escapism.

I can’t wait for Sunday. I get to see hot air balloons again.

The Twilight Zone Moment

It’ll be a busy week for me so I’m putting this out of the way as early as now. I don’t want to miss anymore committed weekly article.

After having gone through the customary torture appointement, a.k.a visit to the dermatologist, I am now peeling properly. Something not so appealing to look at. And although I’d like to go on leave in order to heal and avoid scarring people, I can’t. I willed to be at work for the entire week to avoid any problems that may arise while I’m away.

God knows I have enough problems on my plate to last me the whole first quarter.

I should be properly busy and occupied I won’t have any spare time to scribble. So here I am, writing unimportant thoughts.

What are the chances of two people, presumably so in love that they plan to marry, of  fighting three weeks in a row? If you ask me, I can say, very likely.

The first few weeks we were together it was established that we are completely two different individuals with very different principles and disciplines in life. I for one, is headstrong, works hard to earn respect (thus demands to be respected in return), thrifty, deliver what is promised and a lady. The other one is simply – and to avoid using the wrong words – laid back and have had experiences with women who give ladies like me a bad name. He was a case of good carefree boy ending with nasty women.

Tough luck, huh?

With that being said, we worked hard to be together given we’ve identified that we want resolved to be together. A need we both fondly acknowledge and firmly believe. Among the numerous differences we have, we choose to strive and make it work. In the many good days we have shared, I’ve seen that the hard work is paying off. However sometimes, when we forget that we are now adjusting to live as one, two separate headbutting individuals come out.

It brings both of us so much grief and a lot of exchanged words that are, at the end of the day, unnecessary and hurtful. Yet, with the many times we have fought we continually forget that we should not fight over petty things or perhaps just allow the other to sound off their frustrations and not take it the wrong way. All these times, all the kiss and make and up, all the lessons and all the tears has not taught us to stop fighting.

True, it is never healthy not to argue so we should still allow these gaps to come by in order for us to identify if a relationship is worth keeping. But arguing for three straight weeks is dangerous.

I am confident that we’ll be able to fare the storm, it’s only a matter of time before we go running in each other’s arms. What I do not like is the power of deadening fights. If we continue to be like this, fights will become a normal routine, so normal that instaed of sitting down and talking we just proceed to argue. That instead of facing challenges in a civilized way, we’ll just go for all out war.

I’ve never been a fan of couple fighting in public, or hearing my neighbors domestic issues. So I for one is scared of what this may make us.