Notes from 1-28-2012

Thoughts at 4:14 in the morning.

It is a scary thought. But maybe, these things do have a purpose. Somehow the distance is teaching me a great deal about myself, I am still a whole person regardless of the world’s endeavor to fringe my beliefs to sham. That although I’m a tad lost, I can still stand on my own two feet.

If in case, it goes south I am headed north. A fresh start, a new name, and perhaps a new life. It may be difficult, I know that part can never be avoided, but for sure I can still save a little of myself and grow it into something else. Something that may or may not resemble someone better; I’d just fashion it to what I hope to be. Of all the bad things that have happened in my life, I guess this one shouldn’t brazen me. I should have been broken and lost a long time ago yet, I am here; making good use of myself.

I wish that in the event I decide to do the right thing, I can still look up at the sky, breath in and say thank you. Regardless of the impending hardship and pain, I still wish to appreciate the colors of the sky when the day and night shifts.

I might have been wrong to ask for so much, maybe it was simply right to close my eyes and allow the vast sense of isolation permeate. But the big change has confused me and I am fully aware that if it’s taken away, it would be the hardest most painful thing I will ever experience. Yet a voice at the back of my head is resolved that everything will still be okay. That I have had that ability all along and that I only had to leave and I will be alright.

Somehow amongst all these, I simply wish that I can close my eyes and never open it again. I wish for a sleep that will cure me of this alienation.

Have you ever wished to close your eyes and dream for an eternity? You should, it may just happen and it can be such a treat. Why shouldn’t you take advantage of a world caving in without sleeping through its vast cold embrace?

One really should.

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