Notes From 03-01-10

1 03 2011

I knew why I was scared. I have so much to give but I have to give it to chance if I will get anything in return.

And here I am sitting alone in my room, trying to put words together on a hot summer afternoon. I’m still in limbo, I feel desolate and confounded.

I have a choice and that choice has made itself known, but I feel like it’s better to stay with the one I am with. I still believe that and I still wish that my senses find it sensible for my first choice to stick. But what if that choice seem to be floating away; seem to be at a lost on where this whole thing is headed? Should I just go for the other opportunity? But if I take that, will I be into him as much as I am with the first? Is this a form of impatience? Did I not tell myself to put a little more tolerance? But if I tolerate it, it only means I deserve it. Do I deserve to be on the sidelines and perhaps wait for attention to come my way? Why the hell am I in this situation?

Sheesh.

I want to be with you, but you have to let me feel that you want to be with me too. Last Sunday’s incident drove me to a tizzy. I need to know why it ended that way? Why was there a nonchalant dispatch? Where did it come from?

I get scared when I’m confused.

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