A Cork For A Hole

31 03 2011

We stonewall our thoughts for many reasons.

I for one do this to perhaps safety a little of myself and avoid letting the whole world know what a total lunatic I am. You can laugh – I can smirk.

Perhaps the protection of ones opinion rises from the fact that we fear retaliation and rejection. We become careful of every word we bring out there so no one moves past second guessing. Instead voicing all your comments, we let everyone else play the dance while you become the comfortable audience. The safety of silence is rather amusing while the arrogance of speech is outright -well, obnoxious.

Take for instance Facebook. The gal of several people to air their dirty laundry and stand ever so high in their self obsession and self-righteousness, I can only cringe. I know someone who preaches the world to unite, to be kind, to be tolerant and a whole bunch of yada yadas taken from pages of famous advise books. But you have him talk without plagiarizing, you’ll see how bent he is. Watch him walk the walk, you see its all but bark no bite. Those who don’t normally meet these type of people masticate their preaches. Sad indeed, when that same person will throw a friend under a moving bus just to lift himself up. He talks of peace, of unity and kindness – come time for him to exercise these, he sinks. When you have your back turned he’ll have you gutted and torn to pieces.

Sad.

I do my thing. Make mistakes. Advice a little. But I don’t stand on imaginary pedestals telling people how well I do things and how well I’m living my life. For one I know that I have my pitfalls, so I live my daily lessons. It just nauseates me that I can’t seem to shake the ill feeling of having so many self-righteous pricks around. I guess the right thing to do right now is keep these commentaries to myself. For sure, they will notice. People who are genuine are bound to find out who the fakers are.

I keep silent, so the pretentious can live their pretend lives. No need to insist on them on what honesty is, it would only get lost in translation with their pretend intellect.





2010 in review

25 03 2011

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

Healthy blog!

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Crunchy numbers

Featured image

About 3 million people visit the Taj Mahal every year. This blog was viewed about 38,000 times in 2010. If it were the Taj Mahal, it would take about 5 days for that many people to see it.

In 2010, there were 108 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 369 posts. There were 223 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 369mb. That’s about 4 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was February 16th with 377 views. The most popular post that day was Percy Jackson & The Olympians.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were image-swirl.googlelabs.com, search.aol.com, facebook.com, ph.yfittopostblog.com, and images.google.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for percy jackson, diary of a wimpy kid, percy jackson and the olympians, starry night van gogh, and starry night.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Percy Jackson & The Olympians December 2009
2 comments

2

100 Things January 2009
14 comments

3

Diary Of A Wimpy Kid January 2009
1 comment

4

WALL-E August 2008
4 comments

5

The Magician April 2009
3 comments





Things I Saw To Get Me A Coconut Pie

23 03 2011





To Read – Later

21 03 2011

A short trip to Greenbelt resulted to Gruber, Rice and Gaiman. I was supposed to get a pair of running shoes but got distracted. Stroud, Gruen, Pratchett and Follett are backlogs.

I’ve read American Gods last year – loaned by a friend – but I wanted my own copy and a reread. So when I saw a good edition, I made a decision to ignore the shoes.





Notes from 03-19-10

19 03 2011

In a few hours I’ll be seeing Ayie and Ibim.

Although I’ve been awake for hours (and have been sleeping for hours prior) I still feel like I’ve just gone from events that happened  from two Fridays ago. I still have more to say and I remember placing “to be continued” in my last letter, but I’ve had enough. Work is disappointingly not what it had promised to be and people’s gargantuan indiscretion is at a point wherein it both can’t be undone.

My relationship still proves to be a challenge. I now know that the man I am with loves his freedom. You are aware that I want to pour myself to him fiercely but now I realize that the voice/ fear at the back of my head is actually my survival instinct. I had reasons to fear and him not being around this weekend is proof enough.

I think growing up, I was the one who had too much drama amongst us three. And I hate that even until now I managed my life to be just as dramatic (or dull, whichever you prefer). This is not my intention, I wish to be a happy girl. I know that the next day always come. Life continues … and perhaps one day the road will rise my way. I still have that faith, it has always been strong in me.

My plan is simple: Keep going and when happiness is present, such the marrow out of it.

I wish to see the beach with you, Ayie and Ibim.

– Je

p.s.

It’s mom’s birthday this Tuesday. I don’t have any plans in mind other than bringing home a cake, some nice take outs and perhaps a birthday card.





Notes from 03-14-10

14 03 2011

Dear You,

I’m stepping out of this relationship. I’m sorry.

I think it’s unfair for the both of us and we’ve dragged this way too long. It’s unfair to you because you deserve someone more understanding, tolerant and won’t go passive aggressive when she is disappointed. It’s been unfair to me too because I need someone who is close and would find as much time to be around me even if it’s difficult – heaven knows I’d do the same.

We have so much love to give but the condition we are in right now is not conducive for it to grow. I won’t deny that there had been many times that I felt neglected. It beats me down more than you will ever know. You’ve been very kind to me and at times would gladly carry the burden of being the relaxed and tolerant boyfriend. But my liberal mind has been struggling, the distance and the very little time is harsh. It’s not how I want my relationship to run. I want a constantly visible boyfriend.

I’d like to stop right now while I still care for you. At least us parting while we’re both ahead of the game will leave us something nice to think of if we look back. If I drag this a little longer until I just fall to bitterness then I might forget the handful of good times we shared.

Know that I really did care for you but because we can’t change the level of commitment we put in this relationship, we are better off apart.

I will miss you dearly.





Notes from 3-12-10

12 03 2011

Yesterday, I was faintly rude at you. Your “I miss you’s” seem to not work on me and I suddenly (slightly) snapped when you said something that was taken out of context.

Today, you said that you feel like I’m not happy to see you. I said that was not true. That I miss you just as much but I’m just playing it safe so I don’t get disappointed like the last time. Then you became very silent. Like you wanted me to start the conversation before saying anything.

I’m sorry Jeff if I have been cold lately. It’s the only way I can keep a little of myself without the terrifying reality that I might not put myself back together if our relationship goes kaput.

But this I promise; to be a little more careful with how well I play ‘distant’. That next week, I’ll say I miss you too. And in case you tell me how fond you are of me, I’ll reciprocate with a non-safe response. An affirmation I’m sure is equivalent to your statement. No more of the, I’m right behind you nonsense.

We closed the day with you saying: I want to be with you always. That hints so loudly of what happens behind closed doors. My heart screamed Do you even know me?

I’m still confused.