I got a gift and was surprised to see that it was the lens I’ve been eyeing. In my haste to use it, I grabbed the first subject I can think of.
Canon EF 50 mm1:1.8 II (Reverse) (manual, absence of ring)
You are hurting me. Sometimes you really do a good job of making me feel unimportant and sometimes I just hate myself for allowing you to get under my skin.
I can’t afford to be treated like this just because I want to find happiness. I can’t and I won’t. But if I really want to just break free, I need to face the hurt that will go with it. I need to be strong and live with the daily struggle.
Please if you really want to be with me and I’m not just some sort of entertainment … someone to fill your time and perhaps alleviate whatever emptiness you are feeling, put a little effort, a little time and a little attention.
I’m not going to change you and I’m not going to ask for something you can’t give but you have to agree I deserve a little more – no, a whole lot more. Because I can be so much for you, I tell you that.
Myself is all I have and I’m not going to lose it just because you can’t make time.
All right then, my life has now moved into some stranger settings frequently seen in telenovelas. Only with higher IQ.
There’s love, there’s the long suffering child helping her family, a hard working corporate slave and a fond advocate of wonder bra.
Fine, I’m exaggerating. So what if these thoughts are pocked with exponential reactions? It’s mine, plus I miss these ponderings. I have not done it in ages.
I guess I have so much work let on the side while I try to live life. It is true what they say; we make sacrifices so we can live it. I have been – finally. At first it was not apparent but now I’m sure that these little things I so freely let go are minute compared to what I choose to do instead. I for a fact, like many of those who struggle, embrace what matters most. I thought, if it means letting go of my frequent writing, reading, (slight) traveling, practice photography and innumerable movies, thy will be done. The ones who should really be happy are those who make no fuzz about their graces.
I have not fully turned my back from it; I simply placed it after the “Urgent” list. Down times like these allows me to revisit, allows me to sniff the traces of my glory days from my old self. I recognize that it is still a part of me and will always be me, only this time I have evolved to something more. We can never be the same person from ten years ago. Anyone who does is a bore and perhaps not so bright after all.
I have read books with such level of difficulty even my college professors dare not touch it. I have gone traveling alone with my limbs intact in my return. I have wasted a few bucks to buy things with fleeting importance. I have been — and I am now this.
Here I am then. Embracing what I have asked for so long. It may not sit nicely with a few but I guess they were given their own lives it should not matter to me. Trust that I have not wasted away, I may have mellowed but I am still me.
Now where is my planner? I have so much to schedule. On top would be a bit of hair appointment.