3 09 2010

Abby stared at her monitor pretending to be working. She begged none of the tears to fall. It was just too obvious and her colleagues might see. She knew, even if she was in such turmoil, that it was not the place to do such things. No one would understand. Instead she went to the bathroom, stared at the mirror and thought:

I wish that I did not have to guess, that I did not have to wait and that I did not have to wonder. But all these I am going through now because you led me on.

I am confused as confused can be, but I’ll  choose to just be quiet and distant. After having been spun, it was all I can do to keep a little of myself. I’m just going to busy little old me with many things that won’t hurt, than continue a game cruelly enjoyed by you. What’s breaking me down is I learned that I made another mistake out of good faith; gathering a little too much of something that did not exist.

I wish that I did not make any decisions about you. It would have spared me the agony … of having to back down on something I decided to pursue and decided to hold on to. Changes, I thought would be good, only opened deep wounds. Why can’t it hurt less? Why won’t it just go away and die a natural death? And why do I even have to go through this?

I am not one to insist myself to anyone but I don’t want to be dismissed so harshly and loosely either.

Poor Abby, walked all over again without any warning. So unhappy and lost, she wonders how long can she be like this? And why do people feel the need to play games with her?

What she has forgotten is that she use to have someone who really cares for her. Deeply loves her and would go to the ends of the world for her. And somehow, karma found her. And although she stayed with him for as long as she possibly can, she could not fake that she was in love with him. Truly it was just the thought of him that she reveled in. He knew this and it pained him to hell and back.

Every bit of the pain she inflicted traced its way to its origin. The universe did not forget that Abby was once cruel, too.

She is now paying her dues through Allen.

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