A Change

30 08 2010

For three months you’ve become my first and last message of the day. You have been telling me and sending me signals of what your intentions are but at one time I had to tell you to wait. You were not happy about it but still chose to hang around. I wondered, after I said I can’t give you what I don’t have, why exactly am I stalling?

First, it was because I did not feel the way you did. I was not about to get into something that will surely hurt a good friend. While I want to be happy and hated the fact that you were hurting, I was not prepared to live a lie.

Second, I could not for all the thinking that I gave it, come to the right conclusion. Are you just being kind? Charming? Or is this the normal you? Just the kind sensitive and sensible you. I resolved that the only remedy is for you to say exactly what it is. And finally you did (you are the reason why I’ m cooking again).

Last Friday, I saw your face in my dream. You were telling me something and we were both smiling. Like most dreams, it felt so real. Your voice, the place and the deep feeling of happiness. And then it all had to stop, being awoken by my alarm. I felt deeply gloomy detaching myself from something I thought was real and something I wished was forever. But as soon as my sadness came, it was wiped clean by a single chirp from my phone. It was you.

Take care. It’s raining again. I’m already at the bus. My umbrella broke. I hope it doesn’t rain hard.

I’ve known you for three years and finally, I think I’m ready to fall for you. Ready to just be brave again.

Regardless of the uncertainty and doubt I unintentionaly inflected you, you never left. You were still there to ask how my heart is. You’ve been willing to just sit and wait while you hurt and was willing to look and sound like a fool just to get your message across.

I promise starting today things will be different.

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