Some few days ago, I looked into the month of May and thought of getting plenty of vacation. Then yesterday afternoon, I picked up my tickets.
This is not so much as a splurge but a reward for the very many things I had to do and endure. Also this does not discount the fact that I have time in my hand and people to spend time with. There is a growing understanding both at home and my friends as to why I am welcoming this and there is an unmistakable support that seems gratifying – to a level that reminds me how much they intend for me to unwind.
I have had many days when nothing ever goes as planned. When that happens, my train of thought gets topsy-turvy and sorting it out to more coherent strings proves strenuous.
It may be hard to believe but at times, the only way I can be reminded of the order of things is when I see someone more lost than I am. I am a natural giver (to some extent), so when I see someone in need, I straighten up, get things done and lend a hand.
That happened when my best friend from the second grade called me up to ask for help. And ever so swiftly, I remembered how I grew up overnight when my Dad died and my mom, sister and brother just stopped functioning. I remembered when Z’s house burned to the ground and almost lost his mind. I remembered when B got beat up by her domestic partner and I came to help clean up her wounds. I remember having to break my savings so I can buy a ticket for N who needed to come home.
How else will I be okay apart from having to help? I just need someone I love to give me acknowledgment and attention.
I think that’s true for everyone.
Attention went my way last Monday.
Actually I’ve been getting it long before I’ve noticed it but this time it was a tad more deafening.
Well who doesn’t want attention? For me, to be told that he didn’t want to see me go and that he didn’t like me reminding him of the days that’s creeping fast is utterly satisfying. It is a happy-kinda-sad state but I am not losing focus that somehow, he was brave enough to tell me how he felt.
Him asking me out may have been a little late but as long as I can assure myself that the affirmation spoke volumes then I’ll remember the giddiness it brought.