Barely Breathing

It’s starting to get worse.

I’ve been walking around with my inhaler in my pocket for the longest time and my asthma is not getting any better. There would be times I’d wake up in the middle of my sleep because my breathing is becoming tight. I’d cough but that’s just to relieve me – forcefully – of the tight feeling.

What my asthma brings with it, is the feeling of general weakness. I hate it. I can’t work properly without pacing myself, or I start wheezing. I can’t speak loud (my job dictates it) without running short of breath. I can’t think straight because I’m focusing too much effort on controlling my tremors. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t … I spend too much time concluding and feeling that “I can’t” … air is so necessary and my pretending that I can wing it is fast becoming a pretence.

This slow suffocation is painful … and utterly frightening.

Currently listening to An American Prayer by The Doors via Launchcast