I’m Here But The Lights Are Out

10 12 2008

Sunday, Dec 07: Thoughts bounced around in my already topsy-turvy head and it got more difficult to line things up when I’ve been running on low battery and awake for 35 hours straight. I’m practically killing myself. I didn’t want to continue to fail on this. Gawd aweful, no. Unless, I find a way to manage my time, I’ll end up face down under my work knocked out cold.

It was a struggle for me to sit here, giving all I could for the fight. But every drive I chuck, it sends me twice the blow. I was pushing it and it was kicking me back; lack of sleep is a pain. I clung to any remaining energy that distracted me from passing out cold at the office floor.

It felt like the hour never passed.

I could just sit here close my eyes and rest for a few minutes. Wait, no. Last I did that my cousins found a way to amuse themselves. I woke up with paint on my face, embracing a huge bottle of San Miguel, cigarettes in between all my toes and playing cards in my left hand. It also found its way to our home videos that they gladly revisit every time jokes are passed around. They are vile creatures who will do anything for a laugh. They are adorable like that.

Except of course if I just hide in a corner. Yeah, that is a better idea. Hide and sleep at work, that should be enough to get me fired.

There is absolutely nothing in the world that I want more but my bed. The time that inadvertently slowed down punished me. I kept mapping in my head what I’d do the moment I step inside the house (make a bee line to bed with or without changing my clothes, then waking up the next day or even the day after that, if I can achieve it, and waking up to a hot meal with a tall glass of soda). The fiend in my head smiled with anticipation, because as long as he can annoy me with this plan, it means I am putting myself to more misery.

What happened was I came from work ,then straight to a party that lasted till the morning, and then I ran back home to get a long hot shower then back to work again. And so far, as of this writing I am trying not to pass out. I don’t often come across this much a frantic but I surely got myself one now. I almost always achieve a decent time management that things fall into place. Now I was abysmal at it.

Fully aware that it is my fault, stymied a hissy fit. I just have to hate myself for it and perhaps learn a lesson.

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