I’ve unearthed an old letter I wrote a few years back. I was cleaning my room when I found it lodged between two old books I forgot I owned. These are one of several letters I wrote that I managed to send, amidst great internal battles not to – mostly out of fear that I will not like the response. It brought memories, and then some.
Our way of doing things wasn’t cutting it. What is wrong here is the fact that as much as we try to make it work the more it goes utterly astray. We tried to talk, but even that we screwed it up. It astounds me that the whole thing became an incoherent yell fest of nonsensical blames and faults. We set out to fix it but we walked away broken and more confused than when we started. I never doubted that you want to make things work but I’m having a hard time figuring out what exactly we are trying to accomplish. I’m done blaming personality issues, we both know we’re much smarter than that, yet it all boils down to it. We clash as much as we jive and it pains me more than you know. When we’re good, we bring out the best of everything even the ones that use to make us cry. However, when things are bad, sometimes I just want to breakdown and start yelling for someone to wake me up thinking I got stuck in one of my nightmares.
I’ve said it a million times and I will say it again. If I mean so much to you, why can’t you give me a straight answer when I put this relationship into a clutch? They say it all comes together in the end, but have you ever asked yourself if this is the type of ending I deserve?
Give me a good reason to stay and commit to because wanting to keep me for keeping’s sake is just awful. We’ve managed to get so lost deep into each other’s misery that we fail to recognize the importance of finding our way back to what put us together.