Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skulls

26 05 2008

I promise, I’ll make this fast and painless as I possibly can.

To start off, I am appalled on how I was cheated off my hard-earned money. First, they make a big brouhaha about the movie. I was met with press release after press release, talk show after talk show and yes billboard after billboard of the new and supposedly awesome Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skulls. So there I was, soon after I was dismissed by my airline trainer I dashed to the closest movie house (to beat the schedule of course) and bought myself a ticket. Popcorn and hopes of being entertained in tow, I witnessed a train wreck. For a moment, I thought I was watching Close Encounters Of The Third Kind. It was so bad that the word convoluted encapsulates the movie. I though Iron Man was bad, perhaps I need to apologize for my hard criticism on that movie. I enjoyed that and will enjoy it more than this dreaded rehash.

It could have been laughable if it wasn’t so infuriating. Yes, George Lucas has something to do with it so I told myself to heed things sappy, corny, and annoying implausible lines. However, the lack of solid turning points, structure, and coherence made me doubt that Spielberg directed this mass of disappointment. The plot, pinch, and inciting incidents are too puny, drained, and bland. Shia? Don’t even get me started on what a waste of time it is for him to get into this. He’s nothing but a decorative puppet; this is nothing like his acting chops in Transformers or Disturbia. They tried so hard to put a story on something that will work better as a theme park ride. If Spielberg is trying to punk his fans then he’s done a very good job … damn, I’m still waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump off a bush somewhere.

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